Really don't wanna be an adventist anymore but I am stuck with it...

[Soli Deo Gloria]

Graevessel,

My heart grieves for what you are going through right now. I am literally teary eyed as I write this. I can sympathize, as my wife has a terminal debilitating illness, which is heart wrenching to watch. I have experienced a lot of your same feelings, but I cannot really know how you feel and what you have been through.

I really like the responses of everyone that replied to your initial post.

I agree with Raven that Vegans get the same diseases that non vegans do.

I have been a hospital based physician for over 30 years. This is enough time to be able to tell you with virtual certainty that your wife's cancer had absolutely nothing to do with what she ate. I simply don't buy any of the so-called scientific evidence linking meat eating to cancer. Most of these studies are seriously flawed. I have taken care of too many sick vegetarians, and too many healthy meat eaters.

I hope this helps some, but I don't really know what to say. I will continue to pray. There are many loving Christians both in SDA and non-SDA churches, as I have experienced both. There are also many unloving pretenders in both settings.

I am believing that God will see both of you through on this painful journey.

God bless you and keep you.

Stan

[Ed Sutton]

GV would you do me a favor ?

Ask Father God to continually encourage you to trust and rest in the settled conviction that He and Jesus love you and your trusting dear wife.  Encourage her to hold on to that too. 

That's all I can hold to, myself.  If you want my email or phone to talk, PM me.

Ed

[Dora]

Dear GV, I have not lost a spouse, although he did have a brain concussion to his frontal lobe that changed much of his thinking...but I did lose my dear mom to breast cancer when she was only 61. I cared for her in our home until her death, along with a 6 month old baby, and two other young children, with very few conveniences at the time.

Also, we lost a son at 33 years of age. That broke my heart. Did the church members care? Yes, they really did...and though we live 38 miles from the church, pots of soup, phone calls, and the few visits I would allow at that time, found their way into our home. They showed in many ways how much they did care.

No, the church is not perfect. When I was baptized 55 years ago, the pastor said, "I want to tell you something that was told to me at my baptism, 'It is a perfect message, but an imperfect people.'" And, no, just knowing the TRUTH, (which we do have access to if we listen and read) will save no one. In fact, I listened to a sermon by Norman McNulty about Laodicea. He said,"when we read, Rev.3:17, the part that says, 'I am rich and increased with goods and have need of nothing,' is not talking about material things, but is speaking of the spiritual truths the SDA church does have...but if we do not have the gold, white raiment, eyesalve, etc. we are in a terrible condition." I thought this very apt, for once again, we sound like the Jews, proclaiming that they were "the seed of Abraham," and we are spiritual Jews, and many are doing no better.

Don't give up on Jesus...and He does say "I am the Way, the TRUTH and the life.." Just because it is TRUTH does not make it bad! It is how we react to the fact that we do know the truth...we should remember that we, ourselves, have NOTHING to be proud of...It is not about me, but about Christ and His people!!

[Raven]

GV, I can't speak for everyone, of course, but I know that some people don't respond the way you wish they would because they just become paralyzed, mentally I mean.  They don't know what to say.  They don't want to use the same trite phrases that are so common in these situations.  And they don't want to say anything that will make it worse, so they often clam up--not because they don't care, but simply because they feel so inadequate.  And let's face it.  We are all different and our responses to difficult situations, whether in others our ourselves, will be different.  Not all of us have the bedside manner of Jesus, even though we'd like to.  Try to assume the best--not that they don't care, but that they just don't know how to express it.  As for those who want to

[Ed Sutton]

The pain that comes as the death of someone beloved, approaches, is to be expected.    The stirring up of false friends is not normal, so it is a more effective weapon at that time of suffering.  Satan knows that and uses a longer reach into his childrens' hearts to stir up their worst dregs to use against those who love God and are made more vulnerable by their suffering.

Satan's attack for some is upon their calling.    He attempted to dislodge Christ's faith in His calling  >  

Matthew 4:3  And when the tempter came to him, he said, If thou be the Son of God  , command that these stones be made bread.

Matthew 4:6  And saith unto him, If thou be the Son of God, cast thyself down: for it is written, He shall give his angels charge concerning thee: and in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone.

Matthew 27:40  And saying, Thou that destroyest the temple, and buildest it in three days, save thyself.  If thou be the Son of God, come down from the cross.

Matthew 27:43  He trusted in God; let him deliver him now, if he will have him: for he said, I am the Son of God.

Luke 4:3  And the devil said unto him, If thou be the Son of God, command this stone that it be made bread.

Luke 4:9  And he brought him to Jerusalem, and set him on a pinnacle of the temple, and said unto him, If thou be the Son of God, cast thyself down from hence:

Satan attempts to dislodge our faith in our calling >  sometimes by events, sometimes by what people do or don't do, sometimes by what people teach or don't teach or how they teach it.

Hebrews 12:3  For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds.

I felt my calling and appeal while reading -  Desire of Ages  Chap. 74 - Gethsemane  - for the first time & multiple times.   But the call is also there in the 4 gospels that tell that story,< bythe way -  Desire of Ages simply unpacked it in a way that ( got my attention sufficient to arrest my attention, inform me, convict me, fill me with righteous desire, build that desire to action & unlocking my heart to Jesus  + the new life He brought as a function of himself coming in to eat with me as He brought the food from above.) The Bible tried but I was too blind to grasp the Word.   I had, had 20 weeks of Bible Studies, but was still in labor and delivery, still being born, had not yet been born. >

[Ed Sutton]

part 2 - got nailed by the 5K limit.

John 6:63  It is the spirit that quickeneth; the flesh profiteth nothing: the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life.

There is a good reality that can be our life line if we are willing to use it, for while the human calling is easier to damage from Satan's assaults from those who are in reality his children claiming God's family in their hypocrisy; this second facet of this reality is more durable.

Revelation 22:17  And the Spirit and the bride say, Come. And let him that heareth say, Come. And let him that is athirst come. And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely.

Your calling is a four fold cord.       Father God, Jesus Christ, Adoni the Holy Ghost - are the first  3 cords of your calling,  humans supposedly connected to them are the 4th cord of the calling.  

The Holy Ghost speaks as Christ tells Him or agrees with - John 16:13  Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will shew you things to come.

Christ speaks as Father God tells Him or agrees with - John 14:24  He that loveth me not keepeth not my sayings: and the word which ye hear is not mine, but the Father

[newbie]

GV,
Haven't heard from you in a while... how are you?

[GraceVessel]

Newbie,

Thanks for asking. I am continuing to withdraw from alot of people (while I keep up the humor and make sure I act in a way that they are expecting me to act) internally.  I've been depressed before and am really dealing with what in the psychologically parlance.. as Anticipatory Grief...

The other day during lunch I reached out and had a very good talk with Ed Sutton.  He is a really nice man and was very compassionate and supportive.  I enjoyed the chat with him very much, and look forward to getting to know him better in the future.  I consider his approach to biblical study very sound.

The best way I could explain the way I feel is that I'm emotionally paralyzed.  I feel constricted that I need to "act a certain" way... both so that that others are not offended or bothered by my wifes cancer (I definitely don't want to be a burden to anyone)... and also the double-edged sword of trying to "put on a good face" for the wife... the pressure after a year is like a vice that is slowly turning... or a good analogy is that you are slowly being crushed by a glacier... not a thing you can do about it... sometimes I am ok relying on God about it... but alot of times ... it's just too dark... and I cannot maintain the facade and I emotionally break down... it can come during meetings at work... or driving down the road or in front of wife... sometimes i look like a blibbering fish !!!

I know that is not behavior that is culturally acceptable, and especially what the SDA church wants - they want instant McDonald's faith... I'll take fries with that... and make sure your experience is inspirational.. I'll take a double expresso of that also...  bummer that is not what I ordered... please take that honesty back... and give me another fish sandwich of how your getting along so nicely supporting your wife at this time.  Take three EGW quotes that remind you that Jesus trod the winepress alone and you'll be alright... I'll catch you tomorrow when I stop by the fast food church shop for another expresso...

Anyway, I feel like i am going into a deep depression and am REALLY having problems focusing.  I guess it goes with the territory... better take it like a man before the other people in the church realize that I don't measure up... wouldnt want to disappoint.

Jesus wouldn't want anyone to bring anyone down... always remember to read your bible and correct people... it's all about the obedience... dont forget that.
Remember Eeyore in Winnie the Pooh ... he was really melancholy... I really relate with him... the glass is definitely have empty.

Somebody said that everybody was gonna be upset if somebody didnt come visit to see how I was doing.  Everybody said that somebody should really check into how our friend was doing... however everbody said that anybody should be able to make sure that he was visited... then finally before the end of the day... nobody came. 

I do appreciate y'alls prayers.  It means alot... just trying to convey how i feel... if it offends you I am sorry... right now i am about being honest.

Sometimes reality hurts.

with kind regards,

Gracevessel

[newbie]

Nice to hear from you GV,

Being care giver is extremely difficult... 
 
So much of the assistance is for the sick when the care giver needs something too.  I think that most of us don't really know what to do until we have been there.

My dad was care giver for my mother and it almost killed him.  My brother and I had to step in and have my mother taken care of by another.  Then, my dad was able to recover. 

God Bless and I'm glad that brother Ed has been there for you....

newbie

[Ed Sutton]

GV & L -  The privilidge is an honour - anytime

[GraceVessel]

Over a year now with my wife on her second protocol of chemo (FLOX) Her fingers are tingling... so not sure how long that will go on every two weeks and also I am not sure on the duration on how long the (FLOX) protocol will actively prevent the cancer from growing. 

The thing which really bothers me at this point is that this is her last chemo (everything else from this point is experimental).  Now that I've "turned the 4th corner on the race track"... it's been really hard to see the end approaching.. I've grown and dont cry as much but I am still "scared as the dickens" about the future and life wihout my "pride and joy".

Recently, I turned 50,,, and thought... you know I should get a Colonoscopy... i went thru the normal channels.. to be in network blah blah ... and last week had the consultation interview for the colonoscopy... was a BAD TIME... i had the front desk clerk (I was highly emotional..) treat me like a credit card... I replied in a VERY rude way and dropped my license and medical card on her desk "THERE YOU GO"... the nurse meeting afterwards went south from there... long story short.. when i got home... i found that my Dr had "fired me from his practice"... priceless... I felt terrible... took a day off from work... (and then contacted my wife's Dr. Group)... and they took me in....  today i had a nice Christian dr... take the time to discuss my anxiety... which is intense (last time i dealt with the colon test my wife had Stage 4)... he and I both agreed that later in the year was a good time to get it done given my current emotional upheaval.  He then shared with me that I needed to glorify God in how I am dealing with this... that God had prepared me for this moment... I was blown away on how compassionate he was, and how i needed the correction, he ended the session by praying with me.

God actually took my dishonour,, and provided kind direction to me through my new doctor.  He also told me to take time for myself to prepare for being alone so that i can cherish the memory of my wife as she waits for the resurrection.  Was really powerful stuff.

with kind regards,

Gracevessel

[Tammy]

today i had a nice Christian dr... take the time to discuss my anxiety... which is intense (last time i dealt with the colon test my wife had Stage 4)... he and I both agreed that later in the year was a good time to get it done given my current emotional upheaval.  He then shared with me that I needed to glorify God in how I am dealing with this... that God had prepared me for this moment... I was blown away on how compassionate he was, and how i needed the correction, he ended the session by praying with me.

God actually took my dishonour,, and provided kind direction to me through my new doctor.  He also told me to take time for myself to prepare for being alone so that i can cherish the memory of my wife as she waits for the resurrection.  Was really powerful stuff.

What a doctor!!  Maybe sent directly from heaven for you. ?? !!

[newbie]

GV,
That is wonderful... I'm so glad you have a new doctor and God has given you someone that cares and you are getting some real help. 
newbie

ps.  didn't know docs could fire you

[Ed Sutton]

GV, and Stan, and any and all with suffering loved ones.

Isaiah 43:4  Since thou wast precious in my sight, thou hast been honourable, and I have loved thee: therefore will I give men for thee, and people for thy life.

5  Fear not: for I am with thee: I will bring thy seed from the east, and gather thee from the west;
6  I will say to the north, Give up; and to the south, Keep not back: bring my sons from far, and my daughters from the ends of the earth;
7  Even every one that is called by my name: for I have created him for my glory, I have formed him; yea, I have made him.
8

[Ed Sutton]

Often our circumstances and struggles are different, sometimes it's so similar , but looking how God is bringing heretofore strangers out of the woodwork to help us and with their kindness, sympathy, knowledge, skills, kindness, 2nd & 3rd proactive mile for us, no matter that our faith may be strange to them; but our need and often helplessness they understand, and in loving nobility of soul are reaching out with their best to help us as far as their sphere of ability and influence allows..........whether it's Stan & wife, or CV & wife, of Ed & wife and her Mom, or whoever we all are.

Our need stirs these people to take needful, loving, kind action's and proactions, and if we should come unto our own and they receive us not,  ............. God is demonstrating that His love moves those who listen and He is calling them for our sakes and He is animating men and women of all walks ..........with His love and concern and skill for our sakes.

Isaiah chapter 43 onward and Romans 8:14 is true, and God is paying very close attention to our needs and the walking through the valley of death and how it's affecting all involved......................God is working overtime in higher and higher gears for all our sakes.  


How it will all turn out is the function of following His roadmap the Bible.   in all our darkness He is lighting our ways, He has not left any of us alone.