Revival Sermons

Lifestyle & Contemporary Issues => Christian Entertainment => Topic started by: newbie on March 15, 2013, 10:50:55 AM

Title: thought you might like this
Post by: newbie on March 15, 2013, 10:50:55 AM
I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
I'm half blind,
can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
by the time I got my leotards on,
the class was over.

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and
told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.

'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed.
'Why Wal-Mart?'
'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week'

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

It's scary when you start making the same noises
as your coffee maker .

These days about half the stuff
in my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief.'

THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.
Title: Re: thought you might like this
Post by: Carl on March 15, 2013, 03:33:17 PM
Good one newbie!  sadly, many of those points seem familiar with me.  :-o
Title: Re: thought you might like this
Post by: Tammy on March 15, 2013, 04:54:33 PM
Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

I'm not really overweight, but I still thought this was pretty good!
Title: Re: thought you might like this
Post by: Carl on March 15, 2013, 07:17:31 PM
Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

I'm not really overweight, but I still thought this was pretty good!

Yes, it's true. I've been shedding a few pounds so frequenting a few fat loss forums and the main problem with many is the lose, wrinkly skin left over. Some even have it surgically removed.
Title: Re: thought you might like this
Post by: Richard OFfill on April 05, 2013, 02:26:30 PM

It may sound strange but the wages of sin are in a very real way, old age. Rare are those fortunate ones who just pass away in their sleep.
Title: Re: thought you might like this
Post by: Ed Sutton on April 06, 2013, 04:46:35 AM
The irony that what was once restorative, in youth, now in end of life old age - then becomes fatal, as obstructive or mixed or central apneas induce respiratory arrest, Ventricular-tachycardia and cardiac arrest, the person never waking up that morning.   But if the seal of God be placed upon them by the Third Angel, with what joy a now immortal YOUNG person rises at that day, to hear the day and hour spoken to them, and receive the never ending blessing, and years as they endlessly roll, will never again age the recipient past the prime and bloom, of youthfulness coupled with maturity any more. 
Title: Re: thought you might like this
Post by: newbie on April 08, 2013, 06:49:54 AM
yes, Ed.... we do have hope!!
Title: Re: thought you might like this
Post by: Ed Sutton on April 09, 2013, 07:03:12 AM
Generally passing away in sleep is not peaceful.   Passing away in a coma might be, but sleep still allows for the struggle for life & air to occur, even if wakefulness is not attainable.